On Tuesday’s all-new Actual Housewives of New York Metropolis, Whitfield opened up concerning the devastating second, which she says “robbed” her of a number of main life experiences — particularly time together with her late grandmother.

“I simply felt dumb and embarrassed and blamed myself. It’s like, none of this was purported to occur to me,” Whitfield mentioned in her confessional by means of tears. “It robbed me of ever desirous to get married. It robbed me of whether or not or not I might need youngsters.”

She continued, “Worst, it robbed me of the final yr with [my grandmother].”

Whitfield additionally mentioned she’s felt “like a liar” for the previous yr as she continues to work by means of the trauma related to the assault.

“Each time that folks ask me why I am single, I smile and I say, ‘Oh there’s not sufficient billionaires on the earth’ or ‘I’ve dated all of them,’” she mentioned. “It is like a knife that retains getting in and I simply really feel like I am f–king mendacity and I wish to really feel higher as a result of it is not going away and I am operating out of time.”

Whitfield additionally spoke to PEOPLE concerning the harrowing occasion, and defined why she needed to share her expertise publicly.

“You must discover purpose in every part. There is a purpose I wanted to expertise this and actually, it opened me up,” Whitfield mentioned of how this expertise has modified her outlook on relationship.

Elsewhere in her dialog with PEOPLE, Whitfield shared extra concerning the assault, which she mentioned occurred in her early thirties on the hand of an an unnamed man who was described as somebody within the New York Metropolis social scene that had been “courting” her.

“You simply go residence, and also you simply bathe, and also you simply wish to fake prefer it didn’t occur,” she shared. “I believe my water invoice in all probability that month was like $10,000 … and simply there’s not sufficient cleaning soap on the earth [to get clean]. … You attempt to not put chlorine in your luxurious bathtub.”

Whitfield mentioned she felt “numb” on the time, and sometimes blamed herself for what had occurred.

She additionally revealed that she continues to run into her alleged assailant round NYC, and whereas these moments are actually troublesome, the chaos of her childhood has educated her to placed on a “courageous face” and transfer ahead with “tact” and “power.”

“I placed on a courageous face and I refuse to trigger a scene. I don’t like loudness. I do not like screaming or yelling due to my childhood,” Brynn mentioned. “I choose up the verify and I signal. That is what I do. That is that.”

She continued, “I believe that that’s the unlucky actuality of so many individuals. I do not suppose that everyone will get their day of justice. I believe this occurs incessantly. And I believe that I am certainly one of many all through a whole bunch, I do not know, hundreds of years which have needed to deal with it this manner.”

As an alternative, Whitfield says, “I deal with it with class, and style, and tact and power. And the one factor I find out about the best way I deal with it, is that I am actually not the primary one.”

In the case of her hopes for different girls who’ve skilled the identical factor, Whitfield advised the outlet her hope is that “If I can assist one particular person really feel one thing, really feel how I felt, if I can assist one particular person really feel higher, then I am going to tattoo it on me. Then it is price it, a billion %.”

The Actual Housewives of New York Metropolis airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on Bravo, and will be streamed the next day on Peacock.

The Nationwide Sexual Assault Phone Hotline — 800.656.HOPE (4673) — gives free, 24/7 help for these in want.